Sunday, May 23, 2010

Dinner and awards

I just spent like 20 hours making awards for my kids! I made them individualized with a picture of the kid and what their award was for! Man I'm a nice teacher! But it is the end of the year and so I have the slideshow and the awards ready for manana...let the countdown begin. Only 4 days left of school! Then one day of teacher meetings on Friday and then freedom...and off to the pool and college for the rest of the summer.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

life has been interesting lately. I love life and it is so good to love it again! I have been sad and in pain for the longest period of time that I have ever experienced half wondering if i would ever find joy and be happy again. Well, this week was the continuation of the growth I have been seeing. Each day gets better and now i can see a future; a future of happiness and me being me again.

I have changed in so many ways, but not changed enough yet...but now there are things I know that I needed to learn from this. Everyone has their "things" they have to go through in order to become who they ultimately want to and need to become. I have learned so much in the last little bit that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. There were moments that I wished the pain would just pass and there were moments that I chose to not let it pass, because that meant that I had to move on, but now I know that it is easier to cling onto pain, live through it and allow yourself the time and space and tears needed to learn what you need to and move on, all the while keeping that part of you that learned so much in you tucked away for the moments you need to be sympathetic to others or to get through another hard thing.

How good it is to know that there is a God in heaven who guides us if we will only trust in Him. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't know the truths I know. I am grateful for growth and for pain and for a Savior who allows me to not be alone even when i have felt that i couldn't get any emptier. He is real and He is my Savior.

I know we all go through the things we need to in order to grow and become what it is we are supposed to be and unfortunately those things are hard. sometimes so hard that we think we won't make it, but I often think of the story in the Bible with the apostles and the storm and the 4th watch, that they needed the storm to calm...He didn't come to rescue them until it seemed they would perish. I'm grateful for a Heavenly Father who trusts me enough to let me row on (sometimes feeling so alone) even until the 4th watch and just when i can't do it anymore, he swoops in and rescues me and I am found brighter than I began. That is what truth does to you. It makes you find out who you are and what you believe and then when you've passed through the fire you are that much better for it.

Those are a few thoughts I have had and things I have learned in the last 5 months. He never ever leaves us alone (even when we feel like it) but is always there to cast our burdens upon and to help us stand when all we want to do is fall. God is good! He is merciful and kind and tender and ever there. I know Him to be our Creator and our Master and I'm so thankful to know these truths that pull me out of the ruts of life that would otherwise leave me to perish.