I have been recenlty thinking of "Jonah and the great fish" the play I saw a few years ago at the Scera Theatre. Before that play I really had no clear understanding about Jonah. I didn't know why he was in the belly of a great fish...i just knew it was a story in the Bible! Well, as I watched it I learned that he had been running from what the Lord told him to do; go to Ninevah and tell the people to repent. He didn't want to so he stowed away on a ship. The Lord was unhappy with him for doing that and made huge waves and so the people on the ship were like, "Who is to blame for this?" Jonah told them it was him so they cast him overboard. Then he spent some time in the belly of a "great fish" and came to himself. I guess if a prophet of the Lord had to have some refining like that, I think it's okay that I do too.
I have recently been reading in the Book of Mormon about Abinadi (He wasn't rebellious to the Lord) the Lord told him to go back two years later after he had already gone to a people and was cast out. He was told to go back 2 years later and call the people to repentance, because the Lord had given them time enough to repent. Abinadi didn't run. He was very clear to them and made his purpose clear and said, "I have a message and I'm going to share it, so don't try and kill me, because the Lord won't permit me to die until I say what I need to say." That is a great example of faith and not cowardice.
I look at those two stories and compare my life. I'm kind of like Johah in a way at times when I'm asked to do hard things. I ask myself sometimes, "What am I running from?" "Why do I not want to do things the Lord's way?" "What am I so afraid of?" I'm afraid of coming to myself and realizing that I may not be perfect (imagine that!!!!) and that the plan the Lord has for me might be hard, but I always (when I really think about it and pray hard) come to the realization that He would never want me to do something that wouldn't ultimately bring me happiness. That is so hard to believe sometimes when He sends me down a road I don't want to go on. I think of the whole tearing down the cottage story and I'm like "Wait a minute. What are you doing? I'm a pretty cottage!" And Heavenly Father is like, "I have to tear down some walls so I can put up even bigger and better ones, because I don't want you to be a small cottage, I want you to be a mansion."
The tearing down part is sooo hard and painful, because it's hard to believe that hard things and painful things will result in good things. But as I have learned, they really do and that is the faith inducing part! I've been figuring out a lot and literally crying to the Lord and leaning on Him more than I would if my cottage walls were intact...so I guess that is why we're here. To become a mansion. Some settle for a cottage, but in the true end, I want a mansion. So I tell Him through my pain and tears, "If this is going to get me happier and where I need to go, then I'll go. I'll go with you there and I'll do that hard thing (like breaking up with a guy I really didn't want to break up with) and know and trust that in the end it will all be okay." I know it will. It has to, because the Lord tears us down only to put up bigger and better, stronger, cleaner, brighter walls and windows! It's going to be alright. It is always going to be alright in the end and if it is not alright, then it's not the end! That has gotten me through a lot!!!
A really pretty cottage, but just imagine that we can become more than even we can imagine!
What I want to become: A mansion...even through all the pain! Pool, green grass, towers and all!
This is a link to an amazing talk that helped me so much when I was trying to get over my engagement. I know it's been 2 years, but it still helps me remember that God has a lot more planned for me than I can even comprehend!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxOoa9kHQXs&feature=related
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